Blog entry for:

an expression of freedom seems to me, at first blush, some sort of fraken-concept cobbled together to make a point. i mean, seriously, those two terms seem more than a bit mutually exclusive. as i read through the source material, however, i could see that there needed to be a “self” appended to the start of that, as in self-restraint. that makes a shit ton of difference and comes down to choice, rather than being imposed upon. had i been on the committee that was finalizing these entries, i would have made that change. be that as it may, i am going to run with the topic at hand.
it has been exactly one year since the last time i actually did a workout that i want to do. no running, no power hiking, no 14'ers and no 10K races. it has taken a great deal of restraint for me, not to push myself into exasperating my injury. even now, when i think i have “healed” i still pause before i trot and consider if attempting to run any sort of distance is now something i can accomplish. the answer i keep getting, is not yet, so i bitch and moan, whine a bit and get on with what i can do: walking four or so miles at a 13:30 minute pace, and leave it at that.
my recovery is a bit different, but i do remember more than once, across the course of my experience, times when i could not or would not sit still and be present. way back when, it was easy for me to be distracted and i am so glad i did not have a smart phone in those days, so i HAD to learn to sit and listen. even then, when i did not “get” what was being shared about, or if i had heard that same share, time and again, i would trip off to fantasy land in my head, totally missing what was being given to me. as time rolled by, i got better at sitting still and listening, but hardly perfect at it. my big issue, one that has lasted until this day, is when my peers generalize about their recovery using the pronoun “we.” at the first “we” i have a tendency to shut down and discount all that follows, as i form a judgement that whomever is sharing is afraid to allow their experience to stand on its own. it is obvious that i have more than a little bit of work to so on this issue.
anyhow, it is time for me to suit up and head out into this chilly morn. i may still lack the ability to run, but that does not preclude me getting some miles under my sneakers. life is not terrible today and i actually won a match in fantasy football over the weekend, barely. i have stuff to do for myself, for my employer and for my household, so it is time to post this little ditty and get on in my life. oh BTW leaving thousands stranded in the desert was neither nefarious or criminal, it was just par for the course, when one refuses to pay their bills and accept responsibility for taking care of bidness.

∞ DT ∞