Blog entry for:

program, i have revealed what my convictions are and what i tended to believe to look better in the eyes of those around me. here is a huge trigger warning, i am WOKE AF! as such, i no longer tolerate a whole lot of stuff that i used to think i needed to go along with, because i had the desire to be liked and the need to be what i was not. i always was more tolerant and accepting of others, more than those with whom i hung around. denying my beliefs, however, i sounded as racist, homophobic and misogynistic as any one of them. i truth, i never though twice about being any different, as these were my friends and what i believed and how i acted did no one any harm. that façade was maintained through more than one cycle of the steps, until my cognitive dissonance, finally caused it to shatter into a million little pieces.
as i cleaned up those pieces, retaining what may be useful to me in the future, i uncovered a world of feelings that i had long denied. i also saw that just as living the lie that kept me down for decades destroyed my self-esteem and prevented me from growing up, so did my life as an intolerant and over-entitled asshole. keeping my opinions to myself was certainly a lack of courage and of faith. as i looked at where i was, the path was opened to become something more and finally face what was done to me, and how i took on a false image of myself, all those years ago, before i was capable of standing up for myself. i no longer believe that standing on the sidelines is the direction i need to take and am an active part of more than one community that is resisting the backslide of society into the attitudes that have hampered social justice for so long.
this morning, as i step out into the world, i will do my best to see the boundary between being discerning and being judgemental. i may not get why someone is the way they are and hate on those who do not fit what they consider to be their defined roles. i know that, for me, it is important to stay the course, be supportive and resist the temptation to “go along to get along.” i have lived that sort of life for far too long. just for today, i will stand for something, rather than falling for anything.

∞ DT ∞