Blog entry for:

learning to understand and deal with my feelings, no matter what they are. okay i started this a half an hour ago, and decided to go tweak another project, for just a minute, well 30 of those later, i am now running late and rushed to write this, and more on point, angry at myself for stepping away from this to do that. of course, my anger will be displaced to another person, who just does get what they are asking me to do, because they are so caught up in what was, and clueless about the what is.
learning how to deal with my feelings is not the same as controlling my feelings. i really am not angry at myself, overall. yes i am running late and that upsets my plans for the rest of this morning. yes i am frustrated with another party and want to reach out and shove the 21st century down their throat. so those two feelings in combination could and will make me a person to avoid today, UNLESS i do something about them. what is done is done, that i have to accept, i WILL never get those thirty minutes back, so in this case, dealing with that component, is just a matter of letting go and allowing thew rest of my day to flow from that decision and be what it will be. ahhhhh, much better the other component? well that is a whole lot trickier, trying to get someone to admit they are wrong, when they are blind is an impossible task, especially when they cannot open their minds and listen to what is being told to them. unfortunately this will end up costing someone else a whole lot of money that will be wasted and when it comes to redesign, i will get paid twice, so once again, this is an acceptance thing, do as they wish and continue to create a Frankenstein's monster that is pretty to look at, but unusable by any rational human being.
there you have a short course in how i have to deal with a feeling or two. the program teaches me to tolerate, accept and surrender, and yes, for me, in that exact order. it just does not work any other way for me. my running late due to my obsession? well i accept that and am surrendering to the fact that 8 AM will be my arrival time at work. the work 'o art, that is neither print nor web ready? well i am starting to tolerate that and am going to add some billable hours to the design part. money does help soothe the savage breast! time to get moving and yes, i am a bit lighter and ready to deal with what i will find on the road. it is a good day to have the chance not to react to my feelings.

∞ DT ∞