Blog entry for:

to create something for others. is not something i ever thought about, as i did service to my peers in recovery and the fellowship that has given me this new manner in which to live. i served for all sorts of reasons and some of them far from stellar. as i am considering the implications of my step work today, i am reminded that to go down the path of shaming myself for past behavior, is NOT a sane manner in which to live. i am grateful that my fellowship survived my service and even more grateful that i learned how to serve my fellowship, anonymously. i may not get the kudos and strokes i once coveted, but i am also less apt to be a spiritual or intellectual bully when my passion overtakes my spiritual self.
as a result of my step work, i was going to keep quiet at my home group this morning. as there was time left at the end, and i was the only one left to share, i caved in and shared a bit of my experience, strength and hope. my service these days consists mostly of carrying the message to addicts one on one or in small group situations. for me, my comfort level has increased, as i am no longer on any kind of display. i show my recovery, by living my recovery and i carry a message as it was carried to me, albeit with a few twists that are better suited to who i authentically am becoming.
sometimes, i am not as successful as others and a case in point is my direction to one of the men i sponsor, is causing him pain and angst. by the time we meet of Wednesday afternoon, i need to reexamine what we have been doing and allow myself to feel my way to make it a bit easier for him to get through what i consider one of the biggest “gift” steps, STEP SEVEN. letting go of what i think i know about how all of this comes together, will be something i need to do, in the next few days. to do any less would be a disservice to the program and him.
while the sun is shining and it is not snowing, i think it is time to get out and get some steps under my sneakers. after that? well who knows, the day is open and a nap or game time are among my choice for spending my day unwinding. it is a good day to be clean and to be a part of a fellowship that allows me the freedom to choose, just for today.

∞ DT ∞