🛣 my path 🛤
Posted: Mon, May 5, 2025 06:54:20 AM
to this moment is neither short nor straight, and of course as a result, i can look back and wonder if i really am grateful for all that it took for me to get here. i am not one of those people who instantly see obstacles and issues as opportunities for growth and sometimes internally cringe when my peers share about how grateful they are for all that has got them to this point in their recovery, good, bad or indifferent. i know that emulating them, is perhaps the way to go, but this whole notion of acting as if i am something , especially when i am not, has never sat very well with me. being kind when i do not feel like being kind is one thing, pretending to be grateful when i am not, however, is certainly a horse of a different color. acting “as-if” is not the same as feeling “as-if.”
this morning, as i pondered the nature of what i am feeling and if i was grateful in any sense of the word, for all the events that have led me to this moment, i felt that perhaps, i truly was grateful. i am not going to sugar coat my history, there have been some seriously fucked-up things that have happened since i got clean and certainly as i was running and gunning through my active addiction. there have also time sand events where i could not believe i was where i was. i can say that if i had not got clean, there is no telling where i might be today. when i get down to the nuts and bolts of my recovery, i can see that all the setbacks and issues i have faced across the course of my recovery, has made me stronger, more resilient and better able to prepare for my own missteps, as they are at the root of most of what has gone wrong in my life.
does that mean i walk around just brimming with gratitude, infecting all that i encounter with similar feelings? hell no! it does mean that i do not have to walk through life waiting for the next shoe to drop and playing the victim to the ups and downs of living in this post-modern world. it also means that i do not have to bring everyone else in my life, down to my level, by infecting them with a cynical take on what is going on, been there, done that got the T-shirt. just for today, i will revel in the moments of gratitude that i get and cherish them as something precious, as in this moment, that is what they are.
this morning, as i pondered the nature of what i am feeling and if i was grateful in any sense of the word, for all the events that have led me to this moment, i felt that perhaps, i truly was grateful. i am not going to sugar coat my history, there have been some seriously fucked-up things that have happened since i got clean and certainly as i was running and gunning through my active addiction. there have also time sand events where i could not believe i was where i was. i can say that if i had not got clean, there is no telling where i might be today. when i get down to the nuts and bolts of my recovery, i can see that all the setbacks and issues i have faced across the course of my recovery, has made me stronger, more resilient and better able to prepare for my own missteps, as they are at the root of most of what has gone wrong in my life.
does that mean i walk around just brimming with gratitude, infecting all that i encounter with similar feelings? hell no! it does mean that i do not have to walk through life waiting for the next shoe to drop and playing the victim to the ups and downs of living in this post-modern world. it also means that i do not have to bring everyone else in my life, down to my level, by infecting them with a cynical take on what is going on, been there, done that got the T-shirt. just for today, i will revel in the moments of gratitude that i get and cherish them as something precious, as in this moment, that is what they are.
∞ DT ∞