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and ready to take direction, is not an apt description of how i seemed to live my life, in active addiction, my eighteen months of mere abstinence or for a long time in my recovery journey. yes, it took me a very long minute to come around and finally see the light. the ONLY direction i took, was to hang on for dear life to my clean time, and that was enough for me to survive me and my preconceived notions about how well i was and what i needed to do. i know many of my peers came to the rooms and seemed to take to the suggestions without question and i was the sort that derided them for being “sheeple,” instead of thinking for themselves. these days, i have certainly partaken of the Kool-Ade and now that it is only BECAUSE of my recovery and the suggestions of my peers and predecessors, i have the life i have come to enjoy. i am no longer scraping the bottom of the recovery barrel, getting by. no these days i am actually living a life where i can thrive.
for those who may celebrate this day, Cinco de Mayo, because of the historical victory and not just an excuse to get drunk, i wish you a joyous and drama free day. for those others, enjoy and remember there are always consequences for all of one's choices. me, i am grateful that i no longer am in the situation where i MUST party like it is 1999, just because.
moving into my here and now, today i will attempt to walk a 10K circuit around the 'hood, as race day is less than a month away. i am not sure i will be able to run, trot or jog that day, but i want to make sure that i will be able to walk no slower than fourteen minute miles. in my daily training, i am close to that pace and feel that i can certainly do that, if i continue to train daily to the best of my ability. just as my recovery requires input from external sources as well as applying what i am told to my daily living, so does my physical recovery. i am open-minded to the fact walking may be all i am physically able to do on that day and will not attempt to push myself into doing something that will set me back, no matter how much i want to run. as i said before, there are consequences to my choices and today, i CHOOSE to walk, not run for my workout routine. with that in mind, it is time to post this and move out into the so-called real world, just for today.

∞ DT ∞