Some memes

can take to sustain my clean time or delve more intensely into recovery, come from paying attention to what works for my peers. what it comes down to, for me anyhow, what am i willing to do today, to implement those actions. life in my skin is far from heinous these days, although i am certainly suffering from a lack of willingness at work. the impetus to work harder needs to come from me, as i do not want to have an “awkward conversation” with my boss about what i am not getting done. even when i resolve to work harder, by the time the afternoon rolls around, i am ready to call it day, far too early. what i lack in ambition, will certainly have me seeking new employment, if i do not get my act together. the fantasy that i can keep doing what i am doing and still keep my job, needs to be exploded. if only i put the same effort into work as i do in my personal fitness program, i would be more than just okay.
today, i got off to a late start and needed to get some stuff done before relaxing with a friend at the cigar lounge. i almost decided to phone this in, but changed my mind, because i knew i could always do this after i came home. this exercise is an important part of my day, even though when i comes this late in my day, what i “heard” this morning is drowned out by the noise of everyday life. nevertheless, what i “hear” now, is that IF i want to keep the life i have been given, i need to be willing to do more and take action. fantasy may be a lark, but it does not pay the bills, make me more fit or enhance my recovery journey. hopefully the resolve i feel now will translate into action when i fire up my computer in the morning and start my latest project at work. inertia is a bitch, BUT i can apply a bit of force to break my pattern, just for today.

∞ DT ∞