๐ rather than ๐
Posted: Tue, Jun 10, 2025 09:20:11 AM
seeking respect for myself, i can choose a few other paths, the first one that pops off the stack, is being respectful of others, my fellowship and the world in which i live. i was not certainly happy with all the changes DOGE has put into place when i went on-line to apply for Social Security, and was less than respectful in my head, as i considered waiting two hours on the help line. i am fairly tech savvy, but the hoops i had to jump through to get my application in their queue was almost too much and i wonder if someone my g=age, who had less skill or patience came up against those same barriers would have just given up. i am thinking that maybe, while i have the time, i my want to volunteer at my local senior center to assist others who may lack the skills to move forward against the bureaucracy.
this whole notion of seeking respect, is one card i played over and over and over, again and again, across the course of my active addiction, during my period of mere abstinence and in the first decade of my recovery. when i finally stepped out of the fellowship spotlight and moved into a quieter and much less obvious manner in which to serve, i found a whole new level of what it meant to be respectful and hence earn the respect of others. the service that chose me, involves carrying the message to the still suffering addict in settings that preclude them getting to a regular meeting. i have been doing that service for a minute and finally have come to the place where i no longer think i deserve any recognition for what i do, from my peers of from the rest of society. i do it, because i respect those men, which i have to admit, was not always the case. my motives when i started were based more on status, looking good and more than a modicum of pity. respect did not even make the top ten reasons.
as i get ready to wrap this up, i can see that for me anyhow, learning to earn respect rather than demand or command it, will be a lifelong process. part of what i am facing now, is my lack of respect for those i perceive to be in my way. that, of course, cause me to denigrate myself and the cycle of self abuse continues. i am starting to see that this THIRD STEP is beginning to work me. that must mean the time to write is fast approaching. just for today, however, i will be okay and as i head on out to the cigar store to get some work done.
this whole notion of seeking respect, is one card i played over and over and over, again and again, across the course of my active addiction, during my period of mere abstinence and in the first decade of my recovery. when i finally stepped out of the fellowship spotlight and moved into a quieter and much less obvious manner in which to serve, i found a whole new level of what it meant to be respectful and hence earn the respect of others. the service that chose me, involves carrying the message to the still suffering addict in settings that preclude them getting to a regular meeting. i have been doing that service for a minute and finally have come to the place where i no longer think i deserve any recognition for what i do, from my peers of from the rest of society. i do it, because i respect those men, which i have to admit, was not always the case. my motives when i started were based more on status, looking good and more than a modicum of pity. respect did not even make the top ten reasons.
as i get ready to wrap this up, i can see that for me anyhow, learning to earn respect rather than demand or command it, will be a lifelong process. part of what i am facing now, is my lack of respect for those i perceive to be in my way. that, of course, cause me to denigrate myself and the cycle of self abuse continues. i am starting to see that this THIRD STEP is beginning to work me. that must mean the time to write is fast approaching. just for today, however, i will be okay and as i head on out to the cigar store to get some work done.
∞ DT ∞