Some memes

the respect i wish for myself i can respect myself enough to walk in dignity and quiet strength. it should go without saying, i have written on respecting myself and others, more than once in the past. that is part of the cyclical nature of daily meditations. the trick, at least in my opinion, is to attempt to find a new take or depth to what the reading says. my usual take is that if i desire respect from others, i cannot command, demand or expect it. what i can do, is to be respectful of others and allow them the freedom to choose to respect me. yes , i can pump out the same old shit or i can look to how i am actually walking this talk, in the here and now.
as i sat this morning, there was a whole lot less noise and a bit more balance to how i started my day. i did not dive into my obsession as i sat, in fact i did not touch it at all as i started my day. even my run was not corrupted by my consideration of the next beat in my project, although part of my sleep last night was. as i was saying before i digressed, this morning there is a touch more balance in my life and i attribute that to having just a bit more self respect. i can certainly say that as i ran this morning, i certainly had more respect for the drivers whose path i crossed. i know that i have been an arrogant prick lately about crossing intersections with little consideration as to the state of the traffic signals or whether a car would actually stop for me. in my arrogance i called it my “ped cred” which meant that i could stop cars with merely a look. silly me, what sort of respect was i giving to a vehicle that could seriously wound me, if the driver was careless, not paying attention or just assertive enough to “bump” me.
i do not know what switch flipped in my head this morning, but for the first time in quite a while i saw where the danger with my disrespect could land me. self-respect or respect for others, i guess the distinction is purely intellectual. what matters is that i listened and altered my behavior looking for different results. will this new found notion stick? well that is always the question in my recovery, how long dos it take a new behavior to become automagic? time will tell, but right here and right now, i am starting to see that respecting myself and the damage that could be done to me leads to me being more respectful in this instance. perhaps it will lead to more revelations and insight, or not. just for today, i can walk this world respecting others by respecting myself first.

∞ DT ∞