Some memes

is my reward for letting go of anger and resentment. okay, it is true, that i find more than one of my peers difficult to listen to while in service and even in regular recovery meetings. one of the usual suspects ended up dead of an overdose and there is a bit of remorse that i could never get over what they “did.” i had an expectation of at least an apology, which was never forthcoming and their passing left an empty place in my bundle of resentment and anger. i see my part in it, having placed the object out of the way, while the room was returned to its original state, could have led someone to the conclusion that it was abandoned. as i sit here this afternoon, i see how ridiculous it was for me to ever expect anything from that peer, i regret that amount of time and bandwidth i wasted on them and now that they are gone, all i have left is baggage that i could have easily discarded a long, long time ago.
the other peer, who has consumed so much of my wasted effort? well, the reading today reminds me that perhaps, for my own sake, the time has come to forgive them and move on, as they are still around and show up in my life, every now and again. is that a sign of emotional maturity, or just a manifestation of step three working me over? i do not know and i really do not care. my own sanity dedicates that i make a decision to let go, and find the ways and means to forgive. i certainly can do that today, just for today, anyhow.
today, i am feeling the consequences of climbing 3500 feet in three and a half miles. i am a bit stiff and my body has yet to return to its resting pulse rate of 56 beats per minute. i know that i will recover enough to do a long run tomorrow and today, it is a leisurely walk of a few miles, just to get my steps under my sneakers. life goes on and i am grateful that at sixty-eight years old, i can still see the world from the top of Colorado. it is a good day to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞