Some memes

to check myself in situations where previously the monster that lives in my head would have burst out in full force. as anyone who reads me with any sort of regularity knows, i am not one of those who speaks of parts of me as separate entities. there is no addict screaming at me. no quiet soft voice of my conscience. no angel and devil sitting on my shoulders. and most certainly no monster inside my head just waiting to devour anyone i judge to be contrary to my way of thinking. there is a part of me that is certainly a self-righteous asshole who believe that everyone should always see things my way PERIOD! that part of me, one may call a monster, i just choose to see it as one of those bits and pieces that make me Don. when that part gets activated, and it does quite frequently, what i am actually learning to do, is respond, rather than react. my response may bean eye roll, a sigh or just a wry smile. my reaction, however, is certainly less serene and often cause me to go back later and admit i was wrong, dang TENTH STEP. the beauty of recovery, is that these days i have a choice. one might certainly say that could be a symptom of emotional maturity.
just for shits and giggles, i asked ChatGPT to write this blog using my source material and the style of my blog of one year ago. it did not fail to meet my expectations as it zoomed in on the main topic of my source material not taking into account what i have been writing about lately. i was hardly surprised by the generic blog entry it generated. i did however get an idea of my next AI project: teach AI who i am by reading the corpus of my daily writings across the course of the past twenty years. certainly a creative way to make something rather than just play around. where that notion may go is one of those to be determined things.
coming back from what i may learn about AI and looking at the balance in my life that i have achieved by choosing to not act on that self-righteous and overly judgmental part of me, i can see that my life has a center that it never had. i may not treat myself with the kindness and respect i treat others, but choosing to treat them in such a way, even when the “monster” is fully activated is a gift of the balance i seek on a daily basis. the SEVENTH STEP has given me the grace of pause and i use it all the time, far more than i think i should need to. yes i used that should word, i am certainly in that time of year when i look at what i am not and bemoan the fact that others appear to be “weller” than i am. 🤣 yes, that is where i can and often do go as my clean date anniversary approaches. the reality and the one i choose to recognize is that when i compare my insides to the outsides of other, i ALWAYS end up losing and then, <YIKES> i suddenly need to defend, destroy and take no prisoners. not an ideal way to go through any part of my day. just for today, i will remember that i have the ways and means to CHOOSE to respond and IF i want to react, i have to understand the consequences of doing so and decide if i can tolerate them.

∞ DT ∞