๐ i can be ๐
Posted: Tue, Nov 18, 2025 10:49:50 AM
passionate and often have a strong sense of justice, BUT, the flip side of which can be profound self-righteousness. this is one of those topics that i try and avoid as my ticket into the void, as i am never really sure if it will take me there or not. one may wonder why not and i can say that when i contemplate about service, my judgements about some of my peers get in the way of me hearing what i need to hear. this morning was no different, as i bounced between myself and what those fuckers have done to make this fellowship worse than ever. after about five minutes of that battle, i finally surrendered to following that thought to the very end and when i got there, i started my journey into the void. that journey, did not bubble a whole lot up to the surface but when i got up to start my day, i was certain that i could and would look to my part in building a strong fellowship by expressing my opinion and allowing the group conscience process to arrive at its final solution, without me interfering or attempting to manipulate my peers into seeing my way as best. sometimes it does see that, but most of the time, not so much.
what i am feeling right now, as i can finally access most of the internet, is a sense of gratitude for belonging. that sens of belonging is despite what i think may be the wrong direction my fellowship is headed in and the walking away from the harsh and often off-putting practices that were common when i got clean. i know that the desire to return to those days, is driven by nostalgia and not for the sake of unity or attracting the next generation of addicts seeking recovery. i have often said that i really do not know what it is like to be a newcomer in 2025, after the lock-down and with the preponderance of “alternative” methods of not using drugs, including drug replacement therapy. what i do know, is that no matter what happens, i have a place that i call home. for me, the only thing that has ever worked is the program of recovery that started off in those harsh and seemingly cruel days. i stayed clean to spite those fuckers and i stay clean because i am now one of them, just for today.
what i am feeling right now, as i can finally access most of the internet, is a sense of gratitude for belonging. that sens of belonging is despite what i think may be the wrong direction my fellowship is headed in and the walking away from the harsh and often off-putting practices that were common when i got clean. i know that the desire to return to those days, is driven by nostalgia and not for the sake of unity or attracting the next generation of addicts seeking recovery. i have often said that i really do not know what it is like to be a newcomer in 2025, after the lock-down and with the preponderance of “alternative” methods of not using drugs, including drug replacement therapy. what i do know, is that no matter what happens, i have a place that i call home. for me, the only thing that has ever worked is the program of recovery that started off in those harsh and seemingly cruel days. i stayed clean to spite those fuckers and i stay clean because i am now one of them, just for today.
∞ DT ∞