๐ discipline is ๐
Posted: Wed, Dec 3, 2025 11:33:45 AM
not a practice that comes naturally to me. in active addiction, it was certainly true, after all that sack that was supposed to last the weekend, would have lasted for longer than two hours. getting clean, may have removed the substances from my life, but it did not “gift” with a huge dose of impulse control or lack of immediate gratification. nope, i was not so lucky and as a result i have two hundred CDs and weighed two hundred and twenty-five pounds. 🤣 🤣 🤣
after all this time in recovery, i still have yet to be gifted with a huge dose of impulse control or minimized need for immediate gratification. what i have been give is the freedom to choose and respond to what i think i need or want. one may call that discipline and although it certainly fits the bill, i prefer the word restraint, as discipline sounds more like punishment or perhaps a kinky form of sex play. i have said it before, words and the ones i use, matter to me. i like precision when i express myself. when i choose to restrain myself, one might say i am practicing discipline, just to bring it back around to my seed.
i know over that yesterday, i just phoned this in. my day did not go according to plan and by the time i sat down to compose this ditty, i had enough of “reality,” i just wanted to tune out and turn off. in the bad old days, that would have meant a combination of two or more substances to refine my feelings and drop me into a space where nothing mattered. today, i have the freedom not to choose that option, and i chose to deal with my fantasy football waiver picks and do some cosplay with AI. after i relaxed for a minute, i could see that having that choice was certainly for which i could be grateful. on this snowy Wednesday morning, i do have some job hunting to do, even though my adventure in retail may be changing to closer to full-time in the near future. be that as it may, i am starting to wander down a rabbit-hole, so it is time to say, just for today, i can and will practice a bit of restraint when it comes to my impulses.
after all this time in recovery, i still have yet to be gifted with a huge dose of impulse control or minimized need for immediate gratification. what i have been give is the freedom to choose and respond to what i think i need or want. one may call that discipline and although it certainly fits the bill, i prefer the word restraint, as discipline sounds more like punishment or perhaps a kinky form of sex play. i have said it before, words and the ones i use, matter to me. i like precision when i express myself. when i choose to restrain myself, one might say i am practicing discipline, just to bring it back around to my seed.
i know over that yesterday, i just phoned this in. my day did not go according to plan and by the time i sat down to compose this ditty, i had enough of “reality,” i just wanted to tune out and turn off. in the bad old days, that would have meant a combination of two or more substances to refine my feelings and drop me into a space where nothing mattered. today, i have the freedom not to choose that option, and i chose to deal with my fantasy football waiver picks and do some cosplay with AI. after i relaxed for a minute, i could see that having that choice was certainly for which i could be grateful. on this snowy Wednesday morning, i do have some job hunting to do, even though my adventure in retail may be changing to closer to full-time in the near future. be that as it may, i am starting to wander down a rabbit-hole, so it is time to say, just for today, i can and will practice a bit of restraint when it comes to my impulses.
∞ DT ∞