Blog entry for:
Thu, Sep 14, 2006 07:35:30 AM
Δ whether the secrets in my life are big or little, sooner or later, i must choose - - δ
posted: Thu, Sep 14, 2006 07:35:30 AM
either i surrender everything to my program, or i will lose my recovery.
and surrender for me never comes easy. i have been secretive all my life. the last thing i ever wanted was anyone and i MEAN ANYONE to have any kind of clue what was really going on inside my tiny head. of course there were reasons for this or at least that is what i can tell myself. if anyone ever found out what was going on inside my head, they would put as much distance between them and i as physically possible. and i wanted as much emotional distance as i could get from everyone and keeping all of my stuff as quiet and underground as i could was the only way to have acquaintances and friends and still maintain that safe distance.
so now i am learning how to live in an entirely new way and keeping secrets is not part of the body of suggestions i have been give by those who have gone before me. in fact, over and over and over and over again, i keep hearing what a bad thing the whole keeping secrets gig is and can become to someone like me -- an addict in recovery.
so once again i have top ask myself if there are any secrets in my life that i need to share with the entire world. not today but there may be an issue i need to share with my sponsor -- i just have to finish thinking about it. after all i am not quite cured yet!
and surrender for me never comes easy. i have been secretive all my life. the last thing i ever wanted was anyone and i MEAN ANYONE to have any kind of clue what was really going on inside my tiny head. of course there were reasons for this or at least that is what i can tell myself. if anyone ever found out what was going on inside my head, they would put as much distance between them and i as physically possible. and i wanted as much emotional distance as i could get from everyone and keeping all of my stuff as quiet and underground as i could was the only way to have acquaintances and friends and still maintain that safe distance.
so now i am learning how to live in an entirely new way and keeping secrets is not part of the body of suggestions i have been give by those who have gone before me. in fact, over and over and over and over again, i keep hearing what a bad thing the whole keeping secrets gig is and can become to someone like me -- an addict in recovery.
so once again i have top ask myself if there are any secrets in my life that i need to share with the entire world. not today but there may be an issue i need to share with my sponsor -- i just have to finish thinking about it. after all i am not quite cured yet!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
the type of recovery i want 427 words ➥ Tuesday, September 14, 2004 by: donnot∞ secret reservations?? ∞ 429 words ➥ Wednesday, September 14, 2005 by: donnot
↔ big or little, my secrets represent spiritual territory i am unwilling to surrender ↔ 361 words ➥ Friday, September 14, 2007 by: donnot
α big secrets may represent a more obvious, immediate danger to my recovery β 446 words ➥ Sunday, September 14, 2008 by: donnot
ε the longer i reserve pieces of my to be ruled by self-will ε 453 words ➥ Monday, September 14, 2009 by: donnot
ℜ i have learned shown that i must get and most importantly STAY honest ℜ 572 words ➥ Tuesday, September 14, 2010 by: donnot
∏ i want the kind of recovery that ONLY comes ∏ 401 words ➥ Wednesday, September 14, 2011 by: donnot
½ gradually, i am being shown that i must get honest , 1043 words ➥ Friday, September 14, 2012 by: donnot
— i must choose — 589 words ➥ Sunday, September 14, 2014 by: donnot
¾ secrets are ¾ 497 words ➥ Monday, September 14, 2015 by: donnot
🍎 everyone 🍏 637 words ➥ Wednesday, September 14, 2016 by: donnot
🌤 harmless little secrets 🌪 616 words ➥ Thursday, September 14, 2017 by: donnot
🕬 the unsurrendered 🕱 479 words ➥ Friday, September 14, 2018 by: donnot
🤫 only a 🤷 515 words ➥ Saturday, September 14, 2019 by: donnot
🤐 getting honest 🙄 413 words ➥ Monday, September 14, 2020 by: donnot
“ harmless ” 421 words ➥ Tuesday, September 14, 2021 by: donnot
🌫 cloaked in 🌫 550 words ➥ Wednesday, September 14, 2022 by: donnot
🤔 service, 🤨 606 words ➥ Thursday, September 14, 2023 by: donnot
🏴 total surrender 🏴 526 words ➥ Saturday, September 14, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
2) He (who knows it) will keep his mouth shut and close the portals
(of his nostrils). He will blunt his sharp points and unravel the
complications of things; he will attemper his brightness, and bring
himself into agreement with the obscurity (of others). This is called
'the Mysterious Agreement.'