ฮ whether the secrets in my life are big or little, sooner or later, i must choose - - ฮด
Posted: Thu, Sep 14, 2006 07:35:30 AM
either i surrender everything to my program, or i will lose my recovery.
and surrender for me never comes easy. i have been secretive all my life. the last thing i ever wanted was anyone and i MEAN ANYONE to have any kind of clue what was really going on inside my tiny head. of course there were reasons for this or at least that is what i can tell myself. if anyone ever found out what was going on inside my head, they would put as much distance between them and i as physically possible. and i wanted as much emotional distance as i could get from everyone and keeping all of my stuff as quiet and underground as i could was the only way to have acquaintances and friends and still maintain that safe distance.
so now i am learning how to live in an entirely new way and keeping secrets is not part of the body of suggestions i have been give by those who have gone before me. in fact, over and over and over and over again, i keep hearing what a bad thing the whole keeping secrets gig is and can become to someone like me -- an addict in recovery.
so once again i have top ask myself if there are any secrets in my life that i need to share with the entire world. not today but there may be an issue i need to share with my sponsor -- i just have to finish thinking about it. after all i am not quite cured yet!
and surrender for me never comes easy. i have been secretive all my life. the last thing i ever wanted was anyone and i MEAN ANYONE to have any kind of clue what was really going on inside my tiny head. of course there were reasons for this or at least that is what i can tell myself. if anyone ever found out what was going on inside my head, they would put as much distance between them and i as physically possible. and i wanted as much emotional distance as i could get from everyone and keeping all of my stuff as quiet and underground as i could was the only way to have acquaintances and friends and still maintain that safe distance.
so now i am learning how to live in an entirely new way and keeping secrets is not part of the body of suggestions i have been give by those who have gone before me. in fact, over and over and over and over again, i keep hearing what a bad thing the whole keeping secrets gig is and can become to someone like me -- an addict in recovery.
so once again i have top ask myself if there are any secrets in my life that i need to share with the entire world. not today but there may be an issue i need to share with my sponsor -- i just have to finish thinking about it. after all i am not quite cured yet!
∞ DT ∞