Some memes

and sharing that my peers and i talk about is a two-way street, and those who are practiced at giving, often have a hard time letting others love them back. i know that is certainly true for me, or at least it has been for the greater part of my recovery. it was and still can be an echo from my past that real men never need help and certainly do not need someone else to step up and give me what i may need. those who love me the most are the ones i least want to accept help from, even though i am grateful to receive their love and concern. what i am coming to see, is that i am not that rock nor that island that i once believed i was and no matter how loud my past may scream at me, i do need to be able to accept the care, concern, love and yes help from those who care for me.
this morning i started my new regime of choosing a seed for my deep dive. when neither of the daily meditation books provide me a topic i have the desire to actually consider, i pull out another piece of fellowship and randomly choose a passage from that material. my choice this morning sent me to a place where i really do not want to go, considering what happens to me and my recovery, if i get seriously sick or fatally ill. as much as i believe i am doing all that i can to remain healthy and extend the active part of my life, the reality of that is that i really do not know if anything i am doing will make any difference how the rest of my physical life goes down. that may does not seem matter when i am trotting around the neighborhood, feeling the buzz of exercise, as i know i am being present for myself and making an effort to be a bit more fit, a bit more active and a bit more caring for myself. i accept that my effort will not be enough to stave off old age, time does march on and the human body is ever so fragile. what i am attempting to stave off is physical and mental decrepitude and in that i may be successful to some extent, if current research is correct about how humans age.
anyhow, i have errands to get done before i go to work this afternoon. what it is coming down to is that when i am not lazy and do not pick the least of the two evils, i may actually get a bit more out of my daily routine. i did not peek ahead to see what is coming tomorrow, as i am doing my best to stay present, so just for today, i will give my love and care and accept the love and care that others may give me. it is after all about giving and receiving.

∞ DT ∞