Some memes

finding a new way to live is a lifelong project i chip away at each day. my source material was all about being open-minded, which not something with which i entered recovery. as a matter of face, i was more than sure that this spiritual gig was some sort of cult and perhaps they could help me to learn how to “use like a gentleman.” well i never learned how to do that, but i did learn how to live a life where the use of substances consumed my entire being, almost every day, for almost every waking hour of my life in active addiction. the ironic part was that even though it worked to the very end, i did not start my using career “needing” to get high every day, but it did not take long for that need to grip me by my cajones.
after a long minute clean and in recovery, it is hard to remember what that feeling was like. what consumes me these days is the definition of who i am, now that i am no longer producing anything and living off of Social Security. as i settle into the routine of not having a routine, i am finding there is a great comfort in having something i want to do every day, and that something does not include watching You Tube videos, old movies on TV, or sitting around complaining about my health. what i need these days is a bit of guidance on how to do this retirement gig and that is where being open-minded comes into play. i am certainly not the first recovering addict to retire and i certainly will not be the last. i have role models in the company of my peers and all i have to do is ask them how they get through the days, just for today. i can see why some folks slip into drug induced stupors when they retire, as getting high is certainly a choice one could make. today, that is not a choice i will make, as i can see the road to perdition, that choice may lead to, so i think i will post this little ditty, go grab some lunch and allow myself the moment to do very little before i go meet with one of the men who call me their sponsor. it certainly is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞