Some memes

to be a steady, reliable, loving person who can be a force for change in the lives of other addicts and beyond. when i consider who i was, way back when and i may have been flaky, but there were times i was also reliable and rarely even dependable. those times mostly centered on getting what i wanted or thought i needed. in my mere abstinence phase i could be counted on showing up and doing the bare minimum. reliable? partially. dependable? not really steady? almost. loving? not by a long shot! in my early version of recovery, i was certainly better at all of that, including more loving, even though true intimacy was a long time coming. these days, i can say that yes i am steady, reliable, dependable and yes even loving and intimate. that is certainly a function of how long i have been clean and my commitment to my daily program of active recovery.
today, as i come out of the fog of the anesthesia, i do remember what i heard this morning after suffering through the slings and arrows of bowel prep. it was more about honoring he person who i am becoming more than looking for signs of being steady, reliable and loving. those are evident in my daily life in what i do, how i think and more importantly how others react to my passage through their world. paying attention to all of that is honoring the person i am becoming and placing my FAITH and TRUST in my recovery process, allows that honor to be upheld.
unfortunately, my choice of having my normal breakfast is moving through me at what feels like warp speed. that is what it is and i did not make a mistake to return to my high fiber breakfast and supplements. it means that i need to remember that i am not as empty as everyone led me to believe. it also means that it is a good thing that i intend to honor the wishes of my spouse and the post procedure instructions and staying home, other than walking around the 'hood. as hard as it is for me to sit still, it is certainly the best course of action.

∞ DT ∞