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in fact, when i surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place.
what a wonderful idea, the source of my pain is my refusal to surrender. t5his is not something new, nor is it one of those readings that i do not think i have ever read before, it is just one of those ideas that i tend to ignore, regardless of how well i work my third step in the morning. pondering over my angst for the past few weeks, it is quite possible that had i surrendered to the fact that perhaps my sponsor has a different idea, i would have been a whole heckuva a lot more serene and pain free than i have been. i no longer wonder why i do the things i do: rebel, question, fight, and hold on for dear life, i just accept that as a fact of this addict’s life. i no longer wait until i am on the verge of using to let go, those days have been left behind, but even after a bit of time clean, i still hang on to the notion that perhaps i do know a different, easier, and softer way to achieve the results i desire. what are those results, well a calmer more rational approach to living, warm and loving relationships, and a life without the need to use anything or anyone on a daily basis. surrender i am coming to see this morning is an easier path to achieve those results and for me, it is nice to have these periodic reminders that i can find a different way to do things, one day at a time. i do have quite a short memory span where pain is involved, well not really, what i forget is the road to pain, not the pain itself. when it comes to me getting hurt, i never seem to forget, and surrender and the process of the steps are the means by which i can let go of that particular piece of me, surrender into the care of my HIGHER POWER and live another day clean in recovery! and with that it is time to get off and accomplish some things today.

∞ DT ∞