Blog entry for:

honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness, it was mere compliance that drove me into recovery and that compliance was enough to keep me in the rooms until i found the desire to use finally was extricated from my person. that is however a long and of-to;d story, so i believe i will skip the repeat and get into what i heard this morning as i have gone through my day.
it is ironic that sometime the worst examples of behavior my peers offer up, make the most willing to look at my sh*t, this week as no different. after hearing our addict of perpetual sorrows share the other day, i realized that i was doing the exact same thing, playing the victim card, when i was actually volunteering for my current form of insanity. it is true, i came to recovery as a long suffering martyr and addiction was just one more knife in my heart. even after i figured out that when there was no one else to blame and addiction became my default excuse. i do not know how many times the words “i am an addict, what did you expect me to do,” passed my lips when all other routes of escape had been cut off. protecting myself from having to take any responsibility was what recovery was all about in those first eighteen months. hearing that addict share the other day, drove home the notion, that i was no different than they were, i was playing the victim, when life really is not all that bad, these days.
i could go on, but i have a feeling this exercise will devolve into slogans, trite clichés and bumper stickers. instead i will end with the notion, that no matter what, i can take responsibility for my recovery, surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery and get another day clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞