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and that simple statement is one of the most galling ones for this addict. the fact that everything is easier and less painful when i let go is not the problem, that has been part of my experience. no what gets me is my desire to fight, kicking, screaming, pinching and clawing, until the very bitter ends. and finally when my defeat is certain, i surrender. sometimes conditionally, meaning that i will fight that particular battle over again, until i accept as fact that i cannot win by fighting and must surrender. making that admission is at the crux of my problem, somewhere, someone told me that it is not a "good" thing to surrender. that surrender equals weakness. and the weak will be swept away into a pit of everlasting despair and hopelessness, never to be anything more than a bystander on the road of life.
and you know today is the first time i have ever worked that whole idea out to its final conclusion. that whole thought is the impetus for not surrendering, not walking a healthy path and not doing all that I CAN DO TO RECOVER TODAY, it is a tool the part of me i call my disease uses to keep me as sick as possible, and so on.
what does that mean for me today? well accept there are many things that would be easier for me if i let go and surrender, and walk forward into the wonderful world i just happen to live in.
and that is more than enough!

∞ DT ∞