Blog entry for:

...either struggle with everyone and everything i encounter or i can recall the benefits of my first surrender and stop fighting. alright i get it! or maybe i do, it is after all, the only thing i ever did one hundred percent. what is that? i finally surrendered to the fact that i am , was and will always be and addict, with all of its attendant baggage. if i can remember how much easier that surrender made my life, i do not need to fight what is going on in the world around me. the trick, for me, anyhow is remembering the relief i got, when i finally got IT. what i mostly remember is the thrill of victory i felt when i conquered something, someone or one of the little difficulties living in the real world presents. that particular euphoric recall still runs rampant from tine to time, and the pain it causes is quite similar spiritually to banging my head into the wall, over and over and over again. YARGH!
does that stop me, not until the pain gets great enough to garner my undivided attention and then i say DOH what an silly idiot i am being.
so anyhow, with that thought in mind, i will surrender to the idea that i will be okay today if i just let go and see what happens, you know surrender to the fact that life is life, accept what is thrown at me today and move on -- and i am moving on!

∞ DT ∞