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this is the crucial question i must ask myself as i prepare to work the First Step.
this reading is one of those i find a bit disruptive in my ongoing recovery. it seems to imply that i only have to work the first step once, and only when i first come to the fellowship. it has been my experience that working the first step is necessary for me on a daily basis. each and every morning, i have to wake-up and decide that today is another good day to stay clean. starting off on that foot, creates within in me the desire to do whatever it takes to stay clean today. so putting it into context, i ask myself that question very single day, and yes i have had enough of thew damage that addiction does to me, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. i do remember the very first time i was preparing to formally work the first step, and the struggle i had reaching that point, in fact i remember that whole struggle so well, i call this step zero. not that i believe that the program needs to be rewritten nor do i believe that it needs to be immortalized in our literature. it is just for this addict, step zero is important to my on-going journey to recovery.
after some time clean, the desperation of preparing to commit to the first step fades from my memory, i tend to see those final days in active addiction through rose-colored lenses. the truth is i was miserable, and i do not that particular form of misery back. today i can answer that question without a reservation, i have really had enough, and as a result i am willing to do the next right thing, whatever that may be today.
so off to another activity and into the real world.

∞ DT ∞