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were never enough for me, after all i saw myself as some sort of deep and mysterious sage, all-knowing and certainly not needing anyone to tell me the answers to the eternal questions of life, the universe and everything. the question of whether or not i had enough was one that rarely crossed my mind, as i never seemed to have enough of anything. ironically, when i finally became a member and actually took the first step, the why of that need of always needing more, was answered, even though it was a question i never asked. for this addict, more was certainly revealed on tht fateful night in New Jersey and more is being revealed about who and what i am, to this very day.
this morning as we cruise towrds today's destination, i can feel the need to be okay with all of that, including my desire to get more and the fact that even with all of it, it would never be enough. i am on vacation and i certainly could have an adullt beverage or two, and no one would be any the wiser. i kind of like the fact that even though i may have the desire to change my feelings with a little drop of poison, i no longer am a slave to having to do so. life iin recovery has brought me to this place and life in recovery keeps me centered on what i truly desire, balance and the ability to be okay in my own skin. it may be true that in the ancient Minoan culture, whose remenents we saw on Santorini yesterday, i probably would not have survived to my twentieth birthday, as i would have certainly told someone with sword, where to get off. i also know that i was frotunate to survive active addiction with my physical and mental health, mostly intact. today, even though i may still want more, i can be content getting what i need. so time to chill and read my book, as the morning progresses and we get a bit closer to where we are going, just for today.

∞ DT ∞