Blog entry for:

once i quit using. that fear is far from reality. my fellowship opened the door to a new way of life for me. the only thing i lost is my slavery to drugs.
so here i sit, waiting for paint to dry, quite early this fine Wednesday morning. my plan was not to write this quite yet, however, today i am flexible enough to move with the groove.
so yes, i was one of those that was certain that when i stopped using, i would become some sort of boring polyanna, a two-shoes good doer and life as i knew it was over. well being thirty-three and a third percent correct is not bad, life as i did know was certainly over, and for that i am grateful. i did not expect to get the life i have now, even with all of its bumps and grinds. this life is far from boring, as a matter of fact i am off on a vacation to central america on saturday, something that was not possible when i was still using. i could go on and on about the physical changes to my reality, but the piece of this new life for which i am most grateful for this morning, is the ability to love and be loved. i know that is a reading for another day, and that this reading talks about my perceptions about what life without active addiction would be like. all i can say is that i am so glad that despite my resistance and my lack of acceptance, this program crept into my life and allowed me the creative freedom to be who i am today.
life without slavery to drugs, is a wonderful manner in which to live, and one that surprises and pleases me on a daily basis. i wish that sometimes i could give a little piece of the stuff i have gotten emotionally to the newer members i see struggling to reach a place of surrender and acceptance. i have to be satisfied that just showing up, and being a member is the gift i can give on a continual basis.
life without using is my reality today, and if yesterday was any indication of what may happen, i will batten down the hatches and be ready to experince yet another day, gratefully and willingly. after all, i really am not in control of much of anything these days.

∞ DT ∞