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the only thing i lost here was my slavery to drugs. in fact, this morning i just flushed the rest of my painkiller prescription down the drain. as i was doing so, the whole what if scenario started playing -- what if my pain returns, what if i get hurt, what if i find i NEED just one more of these -- you know the drill, the part of me i call my addiction was screaming about throwing away my free pass, so to speak, and after accomplishing my task, i felt **clean** again. so what does any of this have to do with the topic of life without drugs? well, for one, the manner of living i have been given allows me to treat my physical ailments within the confines of modern medicine, including surgery. it also allows me the freedom to follow the orders of medical professionals, and it gives me way to leave behind the very things that feed my active addiction. by reporting my actions in this forum, i am holding myself accountable to those who read this, and possibly providing a bit of HOPE, that if this addict can get through surgery clean, and have the desire to toss what i need to toss when the time comes, that any addict in recovery can do the same.
so am i having fun living a life FREE from the most obvious symptom of addiction? i am, well maybe not the past seven days, but certainly up to my surgery and once i recover my energy i have the HOPE that life will be fun and enjoyable again. each day i feel better, and of course each day i have to test the limits of my new physical reality. like any good addict, in or out of recovery, yesterday i started to see how much and what i could eat. and guess what, i can no longer consume a full package of cheese mac, nor is a peanut butter sandwich a good thing for me to be eating quite yet. yes i did both yesterday, and i suffered the consequences: pain and discomfort. the beautiful thing about that is i did not once consider diving back into my pill bottle for relief from my actions. i did stop, lay down and let my system readjust to my bad behaviors and this morning i am more than a bit wiser about how to test my limits today -- just barely not whole hog as i did yesterday.
see the program as i have been given by the fellowship does work -- if i allow it to.
so off into this gray and damp day to make my rounds and see what i can get done.

∞ DT ∞