ยฟ a humdrum existence ๐ป
Posted: Sun, Sep 12, 2021 09:31:47 AM
i might say that i have fallen victim to the alleged Chinese curse of living in in interesting times. the fact is, i relish a few minutes off the roller-coaster ride that has been my life for the past eighteen months and am ready to take a breather and have a bit of a humdrum existence for a minute or so. be that as it may, what has emerged from this thrill ride that has been my life, is a person who refuses to settle for anything. i may not be entitled to the “best” possible outcome, but i am also not doomed to the “worst.”
i am not sure why visiting Greece had not made my bucket list, but now that i have been there, i know it certainly should have been there. now that i have a dozen 14'ers under my belt summiting the rest of the 14,000 feet above sea level peaks in Colorado, has also made that list. as i sit here this morning, i am getting the feeling that stuff never made my “bucket” list, because i never made one, list that is. living a lie and believing as i did, i know i felt less than worthy to make such a list and that i would have to settle for whatever came down the pike, as i have dome my entire life. to deflect myself from that sad revelation, even though i knew it was always there, i could use the rationalization that if i do not hope, i do not get disappointed and if i am not disappointed i am better off.
well those days are now past and i am no longer okay, settling for anything but the best possible outcomes for the amount of power that i actually possess. it might not mean i get a trip to Egypt or climb 20 mountains in the next year, but it does mean i can strive to do so, as i am certainly worth it. it also means i detoxify the relationships that are currently toxic for me, by asserting boundaries that are both reasonable and rational. it means i take care of myself, dropping the stuff that keeps me sick, physically, spiritually and emotionally and embracing the change inherent in looking at a “new horizon.” on that thought, i think i will wrap this up and hit the streets for my daily tour of the 'hood. it is a good day to do what i need to do, even if it means missing a bit of football.
i am not sure why visiting Greece had not made my bucket list, but now that i have been there, i know it certainly should have been there. now that i have a dozen 14'ers under my belt summiting the rest of the 14,000 feet above sea level peaks in Colorado, has also made that list. as i sit here this morning, i am getting the feeling that stuff never made my “bucket” list, because i never made one, list that is. living a lie and believing as i did, i know i felt less than worthy to make such a list and that i would have to settle for whatever came down the pike, as i have dome my entire life. to deflect myself from that sad revelation, even though i knew it was always there, i could use the rationalization that if i do not hope, i do not get disappointed and if i am not disappointed i am better off.
well those days are now past and i am no longer okay, settling for anything but the best possible outcomes for the amount of power that i actually possess. it might not mean i get a trip to Egypt or climb 20 mountains in the next year, but it does mean i can strive to do so, as i am certainly worth it. it also means i detoxify the relationships that are currently toxic for me, by asserting boundaries that are both reasonable and rational. it means i take care of myself, dropping the stuff that keeps me sick, physically, spiritually and emotionally and embracing the change inherent in looking at a “new horizon.” on that thought, i think i will wrap this up and hit the streets for my daily tour of the 'hood. it is a good day to do what i need to do, even if it means missing a bit of football.
∞ DT ∞