โ through the love i find in the fellowship that saved my life, โ
Posted: Tue, Sep 12, 2006 07:52:42 AM
i begin to believe in myself. equipped with this belief, i venture forth into the world to discover new horizons.
and what horizons they have been, way beyond the most delusional dreams and goals i could imagine with my substance soaked mind. but all of that is changed today, and i do not have to dwell in the past, at least right now, especially when the reading is about living in the here and now.
i do remember what i thought life without daily using was going to be like. in fact i still remember disrespecting and ridiculing those members of society who had never used or had decided that using was not something that needed to be part of their life. that attitude i am now sure, was driven by jealousy, they could do what i could not, that is control when and what they used, and walk away from it forever when they thought the time was right. of course, back then i told myself that i too could leave using behind when i chose to, i just never chose to.
and so here i sit a few days after events in my life made me want to choose a life without using and i am becoming entirely amazed at what life has to offer me each and every day. i have a career that i enjoy doing, a woman with whom to share my life, friends that actually enjoy hanging out with me, i think ;) , and the clarity of mind to make choices that are truly fun. no more climbing the third flatiron after twelve malt beverages and a dose or two of timothy leary’s answer to reality. i can enjoy where i am and who i am with at this very moment without regrets or being overly neurotic. alas that is a topic for yet another day. let me just end this with the statement that i am grateful i have a fun and exciting life, whose horizons have yet to be seen much less explored. the only thing limiting what i can do and where i can go is me, and the program provides me the means to remove those constraints, just for today!
and what horizons they have been, way beyond the most delusional dreams and goals i could imagine with my substance soaked mind. but all of that is changed today, and i do not have to dwell in the past, at least right now, especially when the reading is about living in the here and now.
i do remember what i thought life without daily using was going to be like. in fact i still remember disrespecting and ridiculing those members of society who had never used or had decided that using was not something that needed to be part of their life. that attitude i am now sure, was driven by jealousy, they could do what i could not, that is control when and what they used, and walk away from it forever when they thought the time was right. of course, back then i told myself that i too could leave using behind when i chose to, i just never chose to.
and so here i sit a few days after events in my life made me want to choose a life without using and i am becoming entirely amazed at what life has to offer me each and every day. i have a career that i enjoy doing, a woman with whom to share my life, friends that actually enjoy hanging out with me, i think ;) , and the clarity of mind to make choices that are truly fun. no more climbing the third flatiron after twelve malt beverages and a dose or two of timothy leary’s answer to reality. i can enjoy where i am and who i am with at this very moment without regrets or being overly neurotic. alas that is a topic for yet another day. let me just end this with the statement that i am grateful i have a fun and exciting life, whose horizons have yet to be seen much less explored. the only thing limiting what i can do and where i can go is me, and the program provides me the means to remove those constraints, just for today!
∞ DT ∞