โฆ i will participate in the full range of my recovery. my commitment to the fellowship โฆ
Posted: Sun, Dec 16, 2007 08:38:32 AM
is just as strong today as it was in the beginning of my recovery. although i do not as a habit use the last line of a reading, i decided that today i needed to recommit myself to the program of recovery that has provided this manner of living that i find oh, so, comfortable. i am not talking about the creature comforts, although i would not toss them aside to shave my head and go live in a monastery taking vows of silence and poverty. no as i have said before, the gifts that i am the most grateful for are those that allow me to live in the moment and much more comfortable with who and what i am. it is those very gifts that seem to lure me away from doing what i need to do to live the program. after all, if i am feeling much better about myself, thew part of me i call my disease tells me that it is a permanent condition and one that no longer needs my daily attention. the truth is that this condition is temporary, it is contingent upon me doing those things that got me to this point. yes it sucks having to inventory my day, each and every day to examine my behaviors and the effects of those behaviors on the world around me. yes it sucks having to attend meetings, meditate, do step work, pray and all the other little tasks that this addict in recovery needs to do on a daily basis.
although i choose not to think of ten years of clean time as significant, looking at it from the perspective of a newcomer, actually remembering what i thought as a newcomer, when i had trouble grasping the concept of thirty days clean, a decade looked like an eternity. so it is up to me, to choose to be complacent and allow myself to slip into once again being a newcomer, or even worse not ever finding recovery again, or to continue up the narrow path of recovery, fostering my continuing growth by continuing to do what worked way back when i got my first "REAL" thirty days clean.
do i want to do those things i NEED to do? not necessarily, but i will. after all, clean time is just a matter of time passing, recovery on the other hand is a way of living that allows those days to pass and accumulate without the old misery. i do not want my misery refunded, so i will do what i NEED to do today!
although i choose not to think of ten years of clean time as significant, looking at it from the perspective of a newcomer, actually remembering what i thought as a newcomer, when i had trouble grasping the concept of thirty days clean, a decade looked like an eternity. so it is up to me, to choose to be complacent and allow myself to slip into once again being a newcomer, or even worse not ever finding recovery again, or to continue up the narrow path of recovery, fostering my continuing growth by continuing to do what worked way back when i got my first "REAL" thirty days clean.
do i want to do those things i NEED to do? not necessarily, but i will. after all, clean time is just a matter of time passing, recovery on the other hand is a way of living that allows those days to pass and accumulate without the old misery. i do not want my misery refunded, so i will do what i NEED to do today!
∞ DT ∞