Blog entry for:

okay, maybe the second time will be the charm. i just wrote a whole little missive about how i was filtering my lies against the collective wisdom of the fellowship that has given me the ability to make such a comparison, and then i lost my pulitzer prize winning blog in the bit bucket of cyberspace. so it goes, i can either rail against the inefficiency of technology or accept that perhaps what i just wrote needed a second consideration. what i had said was that the part of me i call my disease has been whispering that the time has come to leave the rooms and the daily routine of recovery. that perhaps i am better enough now, to try and do this life gig without the interference of other recovering addicts. that i do not need meetings, or service work, or a sponsor or sponsees. that somehow, i am beyond all of that and ready to be more successful by grabbing the time i use for recovery to relax and play in. the reading may have been about complacency, and somehow i feel that applies directly to the lies i am beginning to hear. after all hen i am doing all the tasks suggested in the reading, i am not thinking that i am well enough to do this by myself. the smoke i am peering through is the dishonesty i am hearing about how i got here and what i need to do to stay here. i have felt this coming on for quite a while and have started to take the steps i need to, to revitalize my program of recovery, calling my sponsor more than once every six to ten weeks, pickup a notebook and start writing again, and encouraging those men who choose to have me sponsor them, to call and talk to me on a very periodic basis. so hopefully i am working on extinguishing the smoldering fire of complacency and developing a more proactive manner of living the program that has provided me this new life. it is after all only a gift i have just for today!

∞ DT ∞