Blog entry for:

well i saw my sponsor last night and we decided it was time to move on to my next step and here is the reading reminding me that complacency is the enemy of all of those who have long-term recovery. i choose not to think of myself as one of those people so it does not apply to me!
:))
i cannot think of a more silly example of how the part of me that i call my disease, and it is a major part of me, can disqualify me from any belonging in a single stroke. so now i have to think with the other major part of my, my recovery, and see why i feel that this reading does apply.
honestly, i do my best to live by the principles of the program that gave me life and while this program may not work for every addict in the world, for me it is the only thing i have found that works. i was barely employable, unloving and uncaring, and unable to stop using drugs regardless of the consequences of that use, and trust me though my consequences were relatively minor, they were devastating to the life style i had become accustomed to living. our literature is very clear about the consequences to addicts who choose to move away from participation in our recovery program and because i have the ability to choose whether i want to be a part of or apart from today, i, too, can make the decision to participate in my recovery.
what exactly does that look like for me today? well it means consistent meeting attendance, maintaining a connection to the divine, keeping the lines of communication open with those with whom i share recovery and doing step work. it also means that i have to learn tolerate, accept and welcome the changes in myself that the program initiates. it means that i have to be honest about my progress and my expectations for myself. and most of all it means that i have to accept the evidence in my life that this is working and maintain HOPE that it will continue to work, if i choose to participate. again one of the multitude of paradoxes of recovery. even though change may bring pain, if i want to grow i have to walk through the tough times with FAITH in a process that is beyond my understanding. so what up for me today? stay home and take care of some things i have been putting off, like christmas shopping, cooking for a party, making my monthly run for the house, squeezing in some time for sponsees and my significant other and maybe catching my breath for just a minute to reflect on what i have accomplished over my micro-second of recovery!
∞ DT ∞