Blog entry for:

if i remain complacent for long, the recovery process ceases, and i enter the state of untreated addiction. i have recently seen first hand the effect that complacency can have on addicts. i need not say anything more, except, that witnessing what is going on in the recovery of another, has focused me back on what is important, namely growing my program, day by day. i have also been subject to lapses in my program, and although i never got close to relapse, i know and can empathize with the feelings that moving into untreated addiction brings.
i could go on down this line, BUT this is one topic where all i would be saying would be once again preaching to the choir, and i just may have something else on my mind.
yesterday's reading is still echoing in my head, and i wonder what message i am really carrying and what i have to give away. no i am not looking for a pat on the back, nor am i trying to justify my recovery experience, i have just been drawn into a place where i am examining what is going on with my program today. i get that as i grow, things change, and i get that the changes within the context of recovery are not always painless. i also get that sometimes change happens without me be aware of it until it jumps up and bites me in the proverbial butt. i am getting the sense that is what is happening now. i have been so focused on moving into a FAITH based program, that other changes have gone on that fell beneath my radar. all of sudden it seems like, there are all sorts of new feelings popping up at the most inconvenient times, usually triggered by memories from my past. i have been remembering places and people, that i have long ago forgotten, and yes i am missing Carrie as well. these little excursions down memory lane, while not all that painful are more than a bit disturbing, as i thought i had put my past in perspective with my previous step work. i more than likely have, and these little glimpses of my past are just reminders what is in store for me, if i allow myself to slip back into untreated addiction. what i am also getting a sense of, is that i have come to the spot where i can enter the THIRD STEP and walk in FAITH that i am on the right track, that i will be cared for, and that all i have to do is be present for the opportunities daily living gives me.
yeah i know all talk and no action…
although i probably have more stuff going on, right now, i hear nothing more to write. so i do believe that i will hit the showers and get some work done before i get my massage this morning, it is after all an excellent day to be grateful for what i have been given, a new manner of living.

∞ DT ∞