Blog entry for:

when i pretend to be self-sufficient, i isolate myself from the one source of power sufficient to effectively guide me through life: my HIGHER POWER.
so where do i go today? well first off a bit of gratitude for some events over the past twenty-four hours, well actually a single event, a call back from a friend who felt the need to make a geographic change with three days clean. he is clean, he is ending his job here with a bit of style and grace, and he is beginning the true nature of addiction, and how his symptoms are manifested in his life right now. that does take a bit of weight off my heart, and gives me HOPE that this program can and does work for anyone who suffers from addiction.
so after that brief diversion it does bring me to the topic at hand. looking at my friend’ behavior as he approached the decision to use and comparing it with my own, i cannot find much comfort in my current state. i have thought more than once, that somehow i am moving beyond the NEED to hang with those in the fellowship, that somehow i have reached the point in my clean time where i can afford to slack off, be a bit less diligent and reclaim those years lost to active addiction. it is quite a stroke of grace that i have gotten a brand new sponsee who desires weekly meetings, as he keeps my recovery fresh by asking how and why i stay clean. the why part, not so much anymore, but the HOW part keeps me on my toes. i never can quite expect what he will need my experience, strength and hope on next, so all of a sudden those thoughts about being a slacker look more than a bit foolish. after all, if i want to look good, and i do, i need to do my work so i have something to give. dang it, i hate when my character defects play right into the hand of my recovery. but for this addict, that is the manner THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN works sometimes, using whatever it takes and whatever is available to prod me along to make choices consistent with the spiritually-based program that i have chosen to live.
so i understand that the source of the power to stay clean comes from outside of me, i even get that POWER uses whatever means necessary to provide me what i need to stay clean.
so anyhow, i am not self-sufficient nor am i independently wealthy, so a bit of work is on tap right now. after all, responsibility is a spiritual principle too.

∞ DT ∞