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self-sufficiency is a lie. so i am hungry this morning as i decided due to a long range weather forecast to workout at the Rec Center. looking out my window, i certainly could have followed my normal routine. it is however, not a bad thing and getting this down when things are fresh on my mind, will release what needs to be released so i can concentrate on my work-out this morning.
i told someone i love and care for that they were inconsiderate of my time and resources yesterday afternoon. their continues excuse for not doing something is that they do not “like to.” i have been hearing that same sad song for over nine months now and it is wearing on me. what i need to find today, is the strength to accept that they will NOT take responsibility for running their household and i just may have to decide to be “charge.” what keeps bubbling up to the surface for me, is the reminder of how self-centered i can be and how everyone in the world existed to fulfill my needs and desires. truly, i do not like to be reminded of that part of me and i don' “like it,” either.
as i take care of my physical self this morning, i need to find the means to take care of my spiritual self as well. i have the feeling that more contact with my friends and peers in the program is certainly a path to follow. what that means in a practical sense is more meetings, more coffee, more phone calls and yes more recovery writing. taking the reading, literally,. i can see that emotionally i am a mess and the only way to heal that, is through the spiritual program, that has brought me this far. just for today, i will forgive the self-centered and seek the strength to provide for them, what they need.

∞ DT ∞