Blog entry for:

of those who share this path with me, is something i certainly am all about and agree with wholeheartedly. there was going to be a huge HOWEVER here, BUT i have decided to move in a slightly different direction instead. self-will and the illusion of self-sufficiency has got me into all sorts of sticky situations. time and again, when everyone and everything seems to be against me, i never stop and consider what my part in creating that sort of situation just may be. i fall into being a victim and often lash out at the most convenient target, whether or not that person, thing or institution has anything to do with what is happening at all. yesterday, at my home group i was “shared at” in one of the angriest shares i have heard in quite some time. although the perpetrator was circumspect enough to not single me out, he and i both knew what he was talking about and how it just might be my fault. i made a choice to not to respond, as i was quite sure, i would have ripped off quite a nasty piece of flatulent garbage and ended-up having to use the corrective part of the TENTH STEP. i walked out to the room knowing that at that minute, i was certainly a whole lot more fit, in nearly every sense, than my alleged “victim,” and knowing that, i was able to let go of his pile of self-entitled, whiny bullshit and move into my day, without surrendering any of my, oh so limited, personal power.
i am grateful that today, when this popped off the stack, it was dealt with and put to bed. my emotional reaction to what was shared yesterday, still reverberated through my morning meditation and needed to be brought to the surface and allowed to float off to wherever my shit goes, when i let go of it. what i heard when i did get moving into my Sunday morning was that i needed to forgive and forget, as i was more than once that angry victimized guy, suffering the slings and arrows that seemed to be coming from all directions. i have more than one person in my life that tells me the truth and when i get into playing the victim of some conspiracy, i need to speak with them and find my spiritual balance. i am clueless about what the motives behind yesterday's scree might have been. i know that my motives for keeping quiet and my reactions to myself, was not to cause any more damage. as one who has been in that spot before and whose actions have rained down hurt and pain of those not involved. i know that i am better than that today. i know that when tempted to invoke the wrath of Don, that maybe i need to let go, walk away and find my balance once again, after all, it truly is not all about me.

∞ DT ∞