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self-will inevitably leads to disaster. well after dumping on a very ineffective and slow to respond support team, i quite accidentally closed the window i was working in and BOOM, here i go again. taking over a week to respond to a support request for an \"safe, secure and easy to use\" web application to replace using my actual credit card, if far from exemplary customer service. VISA, just like the cable and cell phone companies do not actually care about their customers and their little web application is not about safety or convenience, just money for them, as they get to keep all the transaction fees. they are a monopoly or at best a duopoly and therefore do not need to care about actually serving their customers.
okay, tirade is done, the good thing for me, is that i see that what i want, i want right now. i can tell you this, the only reason i ever wanted to frustrate myself to death was to get extra reward points at a corporate coffee shop and now i am paying the price for that little piece of self-will. which brings me around to the point, i always seem to get caught in the trap of trying to get something for nothing. self-will drives me into these places just as the Native Americans used to her buffalo in box canyons and over cliffs. in the end, i am trapped, with no way out and the time to charge the entrance with the hope of bulling my way through the shower of spears and arrows that wait me, feels as it just may be my best course of action.
self-sufficiency is far from just a trait of being an addict and is not a totally undesirable human trait. what happens to me, is that i take it to the extreme and end up acting as if, i need no one else, that i can do this by myself and any outside input or feedback is not only unhelpful but also undesirable. as i drop deeper and deeper into that feedback loop, i drift further and further away from where my spiritual path has been taking me. the land of self-will becomes where i dwell all the time, instead of being a tourist there. the only escape is to return to the spiritual path i am following and live the program of recovery i have found to be the answer to most of the problems that occupy my head and my heart on a daily basis.
i could go on, but my little tirades at the lack of service department has left me with little time and desire this morning, to continue. that little exercise in self-will, fully and conspicuously accepted as something i wanted to do, has the consequence of limiting writing all about self-sufficiency. it is a good day to be clean and it is time to get rolling on down the road, so i can support others by doing what my employers pay me to do,

∞ DT ∞