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and though they do not **cure** my illness, they do begin to heal me. today, like every day it seems, i have a bit of a problem feeling that i am sick, just because i am an addict. yes, the part of me i call the disease of addiction manifested itself in my life by my uncontrolled use of drugs as its primary symptom. and yes that part of me, to this day still wants to use drugs and live that life again. however, i have been given a daily reprieve from the conscious desire to use, and have had that reprieve for a long time. for me, being an addict is not a choice, nor is it something i have power over, the fact is that for whatever reason, genetic, culture or just plain bad luck, i have that part of me that given the chance to rule the roost once more, so to speak, would create a situation that brought the desire to use back into my every day life. i understand why the disease concept is so appealing to so many people in all the various flavors of 12 STEP recovery, as it removes the responsibility of being an addict from me. as i get further and further away from my last use, i am less in need of such absolution. i understand that i am built differently than the so called "normal people" and as a consequence have to choose to live my life in a different manner. the beauty of the fellowship in which i choose to recover is that i do not have to name substances nor do i have to admit that i am powerless over anything inanimate, what i needed too admit and still do to this day, is that i am powerless over addiction, disease, syndrome, condition or just an inherent random genetic twist. so if i do not have a disease, i have no worries about ever being cured, and i accept that most of the time, and i am happy to keep this whole "my addict is me" concept to myself. whatever label anyone chooses to put on addiction is fine for them, and i would hardly advocate forcing any concept down anyone else’s throat. and it is true, that for me the disease concept allowed me the freedom to experience the gift of life, because now i could forgive myself, take responsibility for what i had become and move forward into the light of recovery. yes i am an addict, and yes i had no part in becoming an addict except that very first time i chose to use, BUT today i can continue to work my Seventh Step and continue the process of recovery from my addiction whatever i choose to call it!

∞ DT ∞