ฮฑ in examining myself i realized that addiction had been present in me for many years. ฯ
Posted: Wed, Mar 21, 2007 06:10:00 AM
just as the disease of addiction affects every area of my life, so does the program.
i thought about using another line from the reading this morning, BUT this morning for the first time in quite a while i actually feel more than a bit hopeful, i feel that recovery is not drudgery, i feel that recovery is a choice that i GET to make every day, and all of that has turned me around in my thinking. this morning my recovery feels fresh and new again, kind of like that very first ‘pink cloud’ i got in one of my bouts of nearly thirty days of abstinence during the period of time when i was struggling to get clean. so it goes and i am sure that this too shall pass! i needed to throw in a cliché or two just so you would know that i am really okay and not just zoomin’ you all.
so am i happy every single day with the treatment of that part of me i call my disease -- the simple answer is a resounding NO! yes i like the gifts that this new life has presented me, not the least of which is a manner of living according to the values i choose to accept. yes i like the fact that i do not have to wallow in misery if i choose not to. and most of all i like the fact that the first thought i wake up with each morning is not how and when i am going to get high. but being the person i am, i want all of that for nothing. the whole treatment of my disease gig seems like far too much work on some days, and whether i am willing to do that work or not is probably a symptom of my spiritual condition, when i am willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean today, then i am spiritually fit regardless of what is happening in my life. and the more i think about it spiritual fitness is like physical fitness. if i want to be physically fit, then there are steps i need to take like eat healthfully, exercise regularly, and and maintain a routine of those activities on a daily basis. HMMMMM, sounds like work to me, perhaps i just want to be fat and lazy, regardless of the consequences, after all i still get sick even when i am at the peak of my physical fitness. so the choice whether to maintain my physical fitness is mine and mine alone, my doctors, friends and family can express their opinions and try and persuade to live a more physically fit lifestyle, but only i can do the work to achieve that. so it is with my spiritual fitness and the treatment of the disease of addiction. my sponsor, my family, friends and my peers in recovery can regale with tales of how awful life is in active addiction BUT they cannot treat my illness. only i can choose to take the treatment, and this morning i feel willing to do a bit of work. i do want to maintain my spiritual fitness, so i guess i will need to actually start writing my sixth step and see what happens. after all, the only treatment ofr my addiction is recovery and today i want to recover!
i thought about using another line from the reading this morning, BUT this morning for the first time in quite a while i actually feel more than a bit hopeful, i feel that recovery is not drudgery, i feel that recovery is a choice that i GET to make every day, and all of that has turned me around in my thinking. this morning my recovery feels fresh and new again, kind of like that very first ‘pink cloud’ i got in one of my bouts of nearly thirty days of abstinence during the period of time when i was struggling to get clean. so it goes and i am sure that this too shall pass! i needed to throw in a cliché or two just so you would know that i am really okay and not just zoomin’ you all.
so am i happy every single day with the treatment of that part of me i call my disease -- the simple answer is a resounding NO! yes i like the gifts that this new life has presented me, not the least of which is a manner of living according to the values i choose to accept. yes i like the fact that i do not have to wallow in misery if i choose not to. and most of all i like the fact that the first thought i wake up with each morning is not how and when i am going to get high. but being the person i am, i want all of that for nothing. the whole treatment of my disease gig seems like far too much work on some days, and whether i am willing to do that work or not is probably a symptom of my spiritual condition, when i am willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean today, then i am spiritually fit regardless of what is happening in my life. and the more i think about it spiritual fitness is like physical fitness. if i want to be physically fit, then there are steps i need to take like eat healthfully, exercise regularly, and and maintain a routine of those activities on a daily basis. HMMMMM, sounds like work to me, perhaps i just want to be fat and lazy, regardless of the consequences, after all i still get sick even when i am at the peak of my physical fitness. so the choice whether to maintain my physical fitness is mine and mine alone, my doctors, friends and family can express their opinions and try and persuade to live a more physically fit lifestyle, but only i can do the work to achieve that. so it is with my spiritual fitness and the treatment of the disease of addiction. my sponsor, my family, friends and my peers in recovery can regale with tales of how awful life is in active addiction BUT they cannot treat my illness. only i can choose to take the treatment, and this morning i feel willing to do a bit of work. i do want to maintain my spiritual fitness, so i guess i will need to actually start writing my sixth step and see what happens. after all, the only treatment ofr my addiction is recovery and today i want to recover!
∞ DT ∞