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honestly, i go back and forth on this whole disease or illness concept. the amazing thing is, i DO NOT have to buy that premise, lock, stock and barrel, to get the benefit of a recovery program. in fact, all i have to do, is admit that my obsessive and compulsive use of drugs are a symptom or sign of something wrong and surrender to the fact, that i lack the Power to combat it myself.
yeah, i know, a bit of tap dancing there as i walk a fine line here. seriously though, i know that if i am given an inch, i will take a mile, and looking at addiction as a physical disease, at least for me, opens the door to a whole round of victimization, rationalization, justification and blame. i would love to shift the responsibility of staying clean, day in and day out on to something else, and i have, the POWER that fuels my recovery. when i am in touch with that POWER, when i allow IT to care for me, i GET all that i NEED. it really comes down to this, do i want to live my life in active addiction, allowing the substances to be a the power that guides my life? or do i want to live my life in abstinence allowing the addict within to satisfy my NEED to fix with all sorts of behaviors, that may or may not be socially acceptable. OR do as i have been doing for a day or two, living a program of active recovery, allowing the 12 STEPS to heal and morph me, into the person i have always wanted to be? i face a sort of “trilemma,”as it were.
disease, malady, illness, condition or just plain addiction, no matter what label i choose to put on it, its effects on my life are without dispute and far from what i desire today. the ONLY path for me, and i am not speaking about anyone else, is through the 12 STEPS of the fellowship that has given me the room to take a stand and the tools and support i NEED to combat the addict within.
so RAH-RAH-CIS-BOOM-BAH, i am grateful to be in recovery today and the time has come for me to get ready to partake of one of the gifts of recovery, the chance to earn a good living doing what i like to do, so have a great day, i know i will do my best to have one as well.

∞ DT ∞