Blog entry for:

every area of my life. once again i have to admit that my opinion about the whole notion of addiction as a disease is out of step with my peers in the program. i see the damage addiction has caused in my life across the years i was using. i can also grasp the damage that addiction has done, since i got clean. i accept that i am now and will always be an addict, until the day i shuffle off this mortal coil. i live a program of recover from addiction, bringing those principles into my life every day, and yet, i have trouble swallowing this whole “disease” concept. i have come to see that i am the addict and the addict is me, not some sort of condition or illness. as disturbing as that idea once was to me, these days it take great comfort in the notion of what i am and what i will be.
life as an addict in recovery is not a piece of cake, but when i live a program, my affect on the world is certainly altered., when i ask myself whether or not i want to admit i was wrong, before acting on self-will, i am working a 10TH STEP. when i let go of the slights that modern society creates in my life, i am practicing a 3RD STEP. when i pause to “feel” some sort of direction, i am practicing an 11TH STEP. i do not need to take my “medicine” or “treatment” to make those acts part of my daily life, i apply them now quite auto-magically after a minute or so of practice and i hardly apply them in a perfect manner. i do my best with what i have and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide me with the opportunities to get what i need.
here is the rub, however, this is an notion that i keep close to my chest. there are many in my fellowship who would tie me to the stake and burn me as a heretic, if i was out loud about what i think. so when i share i use addiction when others use disease or illness. for me and for them it seems top work. i can share what i have learned in a program of active recovery, without shutting them down and i can hear what their Experience, Strength and Hope offers me as i walk forward. right here and right now, however i need to get out and about., so i can get some miles under my belt before i commute to my new office. the gift of recovery is far too precious for me to get hung up on whether or not it is me or some disease from which i am recovering. all that i know, is that it works for me and i am grateful that it does, just for today.

∞ DT ∞