โ treating my disease โ
Posted: Mon, Mar 21, 2005 06:07:48 AM
well after two days of not writing, the time has come once again to get back at. saturday i had the desire to blog but no time, yesterday i had the time but no desire. i have many lessons over the past couple of days some i understand some i do not but they seem to apply to this morning‘s reading. i have had to deal with the relapse of one sponsee and one close mouthed friend, help facilitate a learning day, and help a friend end one phase of his life and start over.
the relapse of a sponsee always hits me hard but this time it went a totally different direction. although i was sad at his misery, i did not go and rescue him from the consequences of his behavior. he made conscious choices, and i finally did not give in to his whining manipulation about how hopeless his situation is. i understand now that relapse is not an event but rather a process, he chooses to ignore the collective wisdom of those who have gone before him and as a result his untreated disease has once again taken him to the abyss of desperation, and it is only my job to give him a hand up not a hand out. my behavior has bordered on and crossed into the realm of carrying him and i now realize that it is part of my untreated disease -- needing to ‘fix’ someone else and as hard as it is for me i will apply the treatment to this part of my disease as well. my last step cycle was all about relationships and addressing this behavior specifically and now i get to practice the lessons i have learned by applying what i know is correct -- the collective wisdom of my predecessors -- to the problem of self.
today especially i feel the effects of my treatment and i need to remember that step work has never killed me, meeting attendance has never killed me, working with my sponsor has never killed me, daily contact with a POWER GREATER than my disease has never killed me, and daily contact with our literature has never killed me. all of these are part of my program of treatment and this morning i feel sense of gratitude for those who have given me the tools that i need to live yet another day in remission from the disease of active addiction
∞ DT ∞
the relapse of a sponsee always hits me hard but this time it went a totally different direction. although i was sad at his misery, i did not go and rescue him from the consequences of his behavior. he made conscious choices, and i finally did not give in to his whining manipulation about how hopeless his situation is. i understand now that relapse is not an event but rather a process, he chooses to ignore the collective wisdom of those who have gone before him and as a result his untreated disease has once again taken him to the abyss of desperation, and it is only my job to give him a hand up not a hand out. my behavior has bordered on and crossed into the realm of carrying him and i now realize that it is part of my untreated disease -- needing to ‘fix’ someone else and as hard as it is for me i will apply the treatment to this part of my disease as well. my last step cycle was all about relationships and addressing this behavior specifically and now i get to practice the lessons i have learned by applying what i know is correct -- the collective wisdom of my predecessors -- to the problem of self.
today especially i feel the effects of my treatment and i need to remember that step work has never killed me, meeting attendance has never killed me, working with my sponsor has never killed me, daily contact with a POWER GREATER than my disease has never killed me, and daily contact with our literature has never killed me. all of these are part of my program of treatment and this morning i feel sense of gratitude for those who have given me the tools that i need to live yet another day in remission from the disease of active addiction
∞ DT ∞