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which is the closest i come to calling addiction a **disease,** at least in this forum. i understand the history and the purpose of calling addiction a **disease** and if it makes it easier for just one addict to come into the rooms and stay, then it is well worth it. that being said, i also accept that as an addict, whether i call it a disease, a condition a syndrome or a physical malady, the result is the same. one i start using, i cannot stop, when i am not using, all i think about is using. the cycle of obsession and compulsion in my life, is all the evidence i need that addiction is so much more than my uncontrollable need to use drugs. i am more of the OPINION, that addiction is a genetic trait that is demonstrated across a broad range of animal species and i guess if Down's Syndrome is called a disease, addiction would fit into that same bucket.
moving along. once i GET past the notion that addiction is some sort of weakness, rather than something different in how i am constructed, there are certainly a few paths to follow. i have been down each of them, and the only one that brings me the sort of long-term results i find palatable is recovery through a 12 STEP program, and one that does not include the word SOBER!🙉
the first and most obvious path is using substances or behaviors to meet my need to fill an imaginary but bone-crushing void in my life. although i was oblivious to that fact, when i was in active addiction, from this side of the fence, it certainly is more than quite obvious. the more i used, the more i wanted to use, and the greater the risks i took to use. that ever escalating bucket of what i was willing to do, is a scary and sometimes shameful part of my past. i could go back there at anytime, with few regrets, because once i am there, nothing else really matters. after all, i can tell myself, i did this recovery gig for the better part of two decades and i never got what getting high gives me, and that is quite true, all the clean days in the world does not replace what i got from getting high. just like any addict, i remember that feeling fondly, but also have been clean long enough to remember where it took me, as well.
the second path is plain abstinence. i know many people that live in this state. they do not use, through sheer strength of will, and there struggles come out sideways all over the place. they build their lives around a romantic relationship. they become their job or simply miserable wretches that are a chore to be around. when i was in that state, it was service to my fellowship that diverted me from the real issue at hand, namely my own on-going struggle with how to relate to myself, to God, to the world around me and to my peers in recovery. as long as i was the service superman and had my cape and costume out, i was okay and working the steps was not a very high priority in my life, after all, look at what my efforts are doing for the fellowship in general.
the third path,m at least in my world view, is living a program of active recovery, each and every day. i know that i am not all of a sudden addiction free, or cured, as if i had an illness. my remission from active addiction, is only because of how i choose to implement a 12 step program in my life as a clean addict. i GET to walk through today clean and on a journey towards becoming something more and i have the desire to offer this same choice to those who, like me, are addicts. once upon a time, i did not know any better and lived my life in a chemical bliss. today i have tasted what it feels like to live clean and not carry the burden of shame of being an addict, it is just part of who i am.

∞ DT ∞