ฮฃ i do not know where my addiction came from, but in examining myself i realize ฮฃ
Posted: Sun, Mar 21, 2010 09:14:21 AM
that it had been present and active in my life many years before i was forced to come to recovery. what makes me or made me an addict is irrelevant in my life today. whether or not i call it a disease and affliction or something entirely different is also irrelevant. what is relevant today, is that without a doubt, i am an addict, and the reality is that i will remain an addict, until i shuffle off this mortal coil.
i know that when i was young in recovery, calling addiction a disease was a comforting thought. IF i was sick, then i could lay off all my troubles and troubling behaviors on my illness. this separation of addiction from self allowed me to move into the solution -- the 12 STEPS, and learning how to live a program of recovery. after some time clean, i came to realize that i was the addict, and addiction even by the strictest definitions of being a disease was not only part of me, BUT was me. since addiction is inherent in me, the wall of separation came tumbling down, and i then began to live a program of recovery instead of merely work one. okay all my friends who see this as the negative affirmation "I AM A DISEASE," need to take a breath and think. i am an addict, the evidence is clear. i am powerless over being an addict, that evidence is clear. HOWEVER as i am not responsible for being an addict, i AM responsible for my recovery. by having the wall between my so-called addict and myself, i cannot effectively treat my entire spiritual self. i have discovered that for me, i need to take a look at the entire picture and work on my spiritual and emotional fitness as a single unit instead of part by part depending on what happens to be occurring in my life. so if addiction is me, and it is, then recovery is also me, and voilà, there you have it. to live a program of recovery i am who i am, the sum of all my components. i am however more than the sum of all those components as i move forwards with the understanding and get this the POWER to live this day as an addict in recovery. YES I DO HAVE POWER, the power i have comes from a HIGHER POWER and it fills me with what i need to make it through and actually grow and thrive each day. so as i have much to get done today, i do believe that i will move forward by say so long and that i am grateful that i am well enough that i can see the whole me, and accept that man as he is today.
i know that when i was young in recovery, calling addiction a disease was a comforting thought. IF i was sick, then i could lay off all my troubles and troubling behaviors on my illness. this separation of addiction from self allowed me to move into the solution -- the 12 STEPS, and learning how to live a program of recovery. after some time clean, i came to realize that i was the addict, and addiction even by the strictest definitions of being a disease was not only part of me, BUT was me. since addiction is inherent in me, the wall of separation came tumbling down, and i then began to live a program of recovery instead of merely work one. okay all my friends who see this as the negative affirmation "I AM A DISEASE," need to take a breath and think. i am an addict, the evidence is clear. i am powerless over being an addict, that evidence is clear. HOWEVER as i am not responsible for being an addict, i AM responsible for my recovery. by having the wall between my so-called addict and myself, i cannot effectively treat my entire spiritual self. i have discovered that for me, i need to take a look at the entire picture and work on my spiritual and emotional fitness as a single unit instead of part by part depending on what happens to be occurring in my life. so if addiction is me, and it is, then recovery is also me, and voilà, there you have it. to live a program of recovery i am who i am, the sum of all my components. i am however more than the sum of all those components as i move forwards with the understanding and get this the POWER to live this day as an addict in recovery. YES I DO HAVE POWER, the power i have comes from a HIGHER POWER and it fills me with what i need to make it through and actually grow and thrive each day. so as i have much to get done today, i do believe that i will move forward by say so long and that i am grateful that i am well enough that i can see the whole me, and accept that man as he is today.
∞ DT ∞