Blog entry for:

i have had this experience; and all addicts who find recovery in this fellowship have solid evidence of a benevolent Power acting for good in their lives.
so first things first, i survived my procedures yesterday, although the results were not to my liking. YARGH! i have to accept that i will be on medication the rest of my life or at least until medical science invests some resources in looking for a cure to my condition. the drugs have worn off, and i have no desire to get high or use, at least right now. i really did not like the feeling of being under the influence yesterday, and that i suppose is part of the miracle of recovery as well as evidence that a HIGHER POWER is working in my life. as i segue into thinking about the process of coming to believe in my life.
i will not rehash how this coming to believe gig started, as i have covered that more than once in the past, but i do believe that the coming to believe process is still active in my recovery right now. and i could look at the results of my tests yesterday as evidence of a POWER that is not working in my life, after all, i wanted to continue without my medication, but i knew that if the results were not perfect i would have to accept that fact and return to my daily medication. accepting that particular outcome, is no different than accepting that i am an addict and surrendering to the daily treatment that this fellowship suggests. just as Barrett’s esophagus is a physical reality in my life, so is the fact that i am an addict. just as i have to accept a twice daily dose of H+ blockers to keep that condition in check, so i must accept that all the little things i need to do to keep my addiction in check. part of that daily process is conscious communication with that POWER that keeps me clean and allows me to be more than an addict trapped in active addiction. as i stay clean and progress in my recovery, i discover that what was adequate as a HIGHER POWER way back when, is no longer working, and as a consequence i have to allow my belief system to evolve into something more than it was. yes, there are miracles in my life, the biggest is that i can come off a dose of heavy narcotics and not have the physical craving or even the desire to use more.
so as i sit here out on my patio, smoking a stogie and enjoying this fine summer morning, i am grateful that my belief system has become flexible enough to accept that results not to my liking are just part of life and not some sort of divine joke or punishment. i am physically built the way i am built, and Barrett’s esophagus and addiction are just part of me for the rest of my life, like it or not those are the facts that i have to accept on a daily basis. anyhow time to make the donuts and get some more work accomplished today.

∞ DT ∞