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is certainly a question that boils down to FAITH versus FACT. for the longest time in my recovery i was certainly part of the divine intervention school of recovery. it was part of who i was and it took more than a few spiritual acrobatic moves to get my heart and my head to agree. after my last ELEVENTH STEP and certainly after my last FIFTH STEP, i discovered the FREEDOM to see things as i feel them, especially when it comes to the spiritual realm. what that means for me, is that i no longer question what i feel about my spiritual path and the point of a benevolent HIGHER POWER is moot. it also gives me the freedom to allow my peers and friends to believe as they will, knowing full well that vision of the POWER that fuels my recovery, probably does not come close to anything the one they see, and that is more than okay.
moving out from under the shadow of a millennia of belief has been one of the most difficult tasks i ever accomplished in recovery, especially as Christian Nationalists are attempting to create a theocracy and doing a very good job of it. the fact that i may have to spend the latter years of my life under their oppressive yoke to “save my soul” brings little joy, although i know quite well how to look like them, even if i am not one of them. i have had decades of practice to appear to be what i am not.
this morning, as i prepare to exercise an alternate set of plans, i am struck with the notion about how fixed i am in what i do. instead of yielding to the fact that it is not the sort of day that lends itself to power hiking, it still took over an hour to decide whether or not i was going to say damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead, and hit those muddy trails. instead, i had a moment of clarity and decided that i can accomplish a workout, less strenuous for sure, and still get through the rest of my day. as i get towards the end of this, i am thankful and certainly grateful for a program of recovery that does not force me to see anything spiritual through the eyes of others. whether it was luck, coincidence or the hand of GOD that brought me to this manner of living, is no longer relevant for me. the fact is, here i sit, quite gratefully. here i will continue to sit, just for today.

∞ DT ∞