Blog entry for:

got to pop out a quickie this morning as i have to be at work before 7:30.
what i took away from this reading is that all those things that seem coincidental, or that i escaped from, were somehow evidence of a POWER greater than me working in my life,. even before i came to recovery. i can and have gone there in the past, and i am not adverse to doing so this morning, but something else is on my mind and i really need to write about it.
when i shared last night, i went in a direction that might upset some of my peers. i said i was a “judgmental a$$hole,” and that i could wear that mantle without guilt or shame, thanks to the 12 Steps. in that three minute slice of my psyche, i forgot to say that is just part of who i am, and that i could be spiritual, loving tolerant, accepting and judgmental a$$hole, all the same time, those things were not always mutually exclusive. the fact that i have been clean for a few “just for todays,” and have built a life that iis for the most part, far from shabby, is the real evidence that SOMETHING, beyond my ken is working in my life. surviving my active addiction and finding the manner in which to live a life of active recovery, also seems to come from outside of me. i accept that as well today. as i continue towards the place of moving into STEP 12, i am far more certain that the POWER that fuels my recovery, may actually be more active in my life than i give IT credit for, and for someone like me, that feels like a dangerous admission and the start down the slippery slope to Deism. and maybe that is not a bad place to be.
anyhow, i need to get moving down the road. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to admit my wrongs and clean up the messe i have left behind.

∞ DT ∞