Blog entry for:

...it becomes possible to trust that this Higher Power will continue to help me in the future. and trust offers me the strength to move forward. so i trusted my instincts last night and made good on my threat to make my 75 minute drive to recovery, abandoning the family drama. for me, that was the best choice last night, and even though i missed the place on the first pass, got caught up in work so i arrived at the meeting very late, i GOT what i needed, the company of other addicts in recovery. i know my family loves me, and all the members i am sharing my vacation with care for me, HOWEVER, what i need sometimes are people that understand me. understand what it means to be an addict and understand what choices i make on a daily basis to maintain my recovery. i got that last night, in spades! i ignored the voice of the part of me i call my addiction and shared even though i was late to the meeting. i ignored that same voice when i decided to fellowship with the local members and went out to break bread. and i ignored that voice when i spoke of what was happening inside of me, what i was feeling and how i was reacting to a room full of strangers, that quickly became friends i had yet to meet. so all in all, a wonderful conclusion to my day yesterday.
okay, update city has been visited and seen, now to move on to the topic, evidence of a HIGHER POWER that loves and cares for me. up until recently, my current carnation of HP fit this quite well. as i moved through me ELEVENTH STEP, i have discovered that i am having difficulty assigning human attributes, behaviors and qualities to my current concept of a HIGHER POWER. not that it really matters what my current concept is, i can see the evidence that some Force, regardless of how i describe it, has been active in my life for quite some some, perhaps for the entire span of my existence in the material plane. what that Force is, how it looks and what the motives may or may not be, for that Force bringing me to the here and now, are actually quite irrelevant. i am no longer in need to have the security blanket of defining, ascribing and generally anthropomorphizing that Force into something easier for my feeble brain to grasp on to and hold.
where does that leave me? well for one, it allows me the freedom to move forward and do the the next right thing, just because it is the next right thing. it allows me to do something correctly even though i know no one is watching. and it allows me the creative freedom to believe in creating my own reality, and my own future, as nothing has been determined as to what the course of my minutes, hours and days may be.
so as i get to thee end of this, yes i can see that there is evidence that there is a Force that is working in my life, that has given me the opportunity to be right here, right now. i am grateful for the gift odf life and the gift of recovery, so as i prepare to run around the block this morning i will remember that it is up to me, to be the best person i can be, and the reward is that i get to see myself as that musch more healthier at the end of my day.
so Ta-Ta for now!

∞ DT ∞