Blog entry for:

...consciously aware of the presence of the love of a HIGHER POWER in my world and my life. the transforming power of love, working long before i became aware of it. quite a bit to swallow this morning, and it is as if i have never seen this particular reading before. since i do not go back and read what i wrote on previous visits to this topic, i will just have to accept that what i am feeling and pondering this morning is what is real for me this morning.
what struck me, was the evidence of how forces that are more powerful than i am, have been transforming me since the day i popped out of my mother’s womb. family, culture, addiction, society, peer pressure, religion and on and on and on. after i took that first drug, addiction became the ruling force in my life, of that i am certain, but a HIGHER POWER that i was absolutely positive did not exist, was working in the background, preparing me and saving me for a life after active addiction. okay, now i am dabbling in mysticism instead of cynicism, and MOVING DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE IDEA OF PREDESTINATION. perhaps that is the case, or perhaps the forces that were active in my life had to work overtime to deal with the consequences of my free will choices i made, while under the rule of active addiction. either way, this morning i am grateful that the POWER OF LOVE was active in my life before and after i accepted recovery.
of all of those forces who shaped me into the person i am today, the one that moves me the deepest, when i choose to consider this entire chain of thought, is the LOVE of a HIGHER POWER, that i was incapable of seeing or feeling or even pretending existed before recovery. not that i believe that i was saved for some grand reason, nor do i believe that i am in any way more special than anyone else, fortunate to find this path, what i do believe that for whatever reason, i did not succumb to my addiction yet, i have the tools i need to stay clean today, i have the desire to do what it takes to continue to grow and thrive and i am being transformed daily into the man i have always wanted to be. all of that, must come from somewhere and the LOVE of a HIGHER POWER is a more than adequate place to attribute all of that, at least for me, at least right here and right now. so off to the showers and into the fray.

∞ DT ∞