Blog entry for:

as if with new eyes.
and the source of that LOVE is what some people choose to call GOD but what i call THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS.
oops one second.....
... much better now, needed to do a bit of daily maintenance that i somehow neglected before moving into my work day!
so this could be quite the discussion about the nature of GOD, but that discussion can be differed for another day. what i think i will go on and on about is the LOVE that i get from whatever label i happen to put on the concept many call GOD, the LOVE i have always needed has always been there flowing unasked for from GOD and often received and never acknowledged, after all something protected me from dying while i was using. i never had an accident or suffered any injuries while driving while i was mentally impaired by chemical substances, although there was more than one time when i was well beyond being capable of driving. i never has an overdose while i was in my "pushing the envelope" phase, seeing how high i could get without crossing into the light. i never was beaten to a bloody pulp and left for dead as i trudged through neighborhoods where i was the only one of my race for miles around, looking for the ways and means to get more.
something preserved my life regardless of how valueless i believed it was, and something guided me not so gently in to this life of abstinence and recovery. i could fall back on my old arguments about it all being coincidence blah, blah, blah. or i could even say that it was my fate to end up here where i am, negating any of my volition. but what i choose to believe today is that GOD’s LOVE protected me and finally directed me into this life, for whatever purpose. i do not need to know why, and i can see how it worked, so here i sit thinking about what might have been and grateful for what i have -- a manner of living that allows me to be more than i ever dreamed and to have a life beyond my wildest imaginings. so although i do not understand why i was chosen to recover, i do acknowledge the source of that recovery and that source is GOD’s LOVE . that is enough for any addict to deal with in one day, certainly me so i guess i better go express my gratitude by taking care of my responsibilities. off to the races i go!

∞ DT ∞