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certainly come from the POWER that fuels my recovery. love, well i am not all that certain about that, as i do not ascribe any human attributes to that POWER. this morning after one the the worst drives to the office in quite some time, i lost that bit of quiet i achieved as i sat. i left early and was planning on being here much sooner than i arrived. that was not the case, so here i sit, fretting and fuming instead of letting go. perhaps a quick dip into the quiet is what i need.
dunno if that makes thing better, but it certainly got me into a better space. when i think of the POWER that fuels my recovery and whether or not IT was always with me, even before i got clean, i really get all fuckered up. the problem i have when i go down that path, is that i cannot grasp the nature of my spiritual path, before i arrived at it. i know culturally and socially, the whole notion of a personal and caring GOD, is huge. so huge in fact, that it took me fifteen years of recovery before i could step out from under its shadow. not GOD, but the idea of GOD as presented in Western society. these days, even though i do ask the POWER that fuels my recovery for the power to stay clean, just for today. i do thank that POWER at the end of each day clean, for giving the ability to do this recovery gig. i have yet to figure out whether that is part of my spiritual path, or simply superstition, and i have come to a place where i do not care to make that distinction, as that daily exercise of humility, suits me just fine. life is not too shabby today.
it is time, however to post this little ditty to the interwebs, grab a cuppa coffee and start doing what i am paid very well, to do. whether or not i “feel” GOD's “love” does not matter. the fact of the matter is that i know where my power comes from and if that power is love, so be it. life is far too short to be dancing around an issue when it really does not affect the quality of my life and my decision to stay clean today, no matter what!

∞ DT ∞