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living on self-will can make my life just as unmanageable as it was in active addiction. okay, so finally let go and did what i needed to do, two out of three of the tasks i decided to do, to make the single amends that i need to complete before moving on is now off that list. until i sat down and let this reading sink in, i could not see how procrastination was the expression of my self-will in action. nor could i see how FEAR was the tool of my self-will. this morning all of that became clear, in fact to use a cliché crystal clear.
and so it goes…
anyhow, where was i? oh yeah, self-will and my unmanageable life. as i sit here on the back side of my recent actions, i am becoming better equipped to move forward with my recovery. not that i think that this long cooling-off period was rebellion, i see it now as doing and living as close to active addiction as i could before being willing to once again do what i need to do to move forward in my life. okay, spin it as i may, what it boils down to, is that i had to live in self-will for as long as possible, before i was willing to surrender my will and my life into the care of THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN (GOD).
i can go on and on, but there is stuff i need to do this morning so getting into the shower is the first step of doing what i need to do!

∞ DT ∞